So you must have guessed from the title what this post is gonna be about. Normally I am not one of those people who will write some deeply philosophical stuff or stuff that will make you think. But sometimes life throws up situations which make you think, which make you introspect, which make you see the bigger picture.
I was just having a discussion with my friend as to how do I go about spending my first salary. She told me to buy gifts for my family and I thought it was a brilliant idea. Then I decided mentally what gift I should possibly give my dad, my bhaiya and bhabhi. But when it came to my mother I was clueless. So my friend told me “think what does she like?”. Now this question hit me real hard as I had no clue about what she liked. I mean come on here is a person who is possibly the most important in my life, whom I claim to love the most. But I don’t know what she would like for a gift. Whoaaaa that was a shocker. I don’t know anything about her is what I felt as I pondered over this more. What could possibly be the reason for that? As I tried to think more I realized how over the years the relation that I shared with my mom was always centred around me. It was always my problems, my successes, my failures, my dreams, my happiness, what I liked, what I disliked, everything was about me. And im not saying that she did that to make me happy, that’s what made her happy as well….her happiness, in fact her existence somehow always had to do something with her kids. I cannot remember if she was ever asked or whether she made any choices be it about which restaurant to go, which movie to see etc etc. these might seem to be small things but the point I am trying to make is how her life was almost always driven by what her sons felt, thought and decided. So we never managed to know her as a person. Come to think of it before she gave birth, she was a normal person with her own life, but ever since we buggers (me and my brother) came into this world its as if mother is the only role she has been performing. I almost feel like singing the following line “Will the real person who is my mom please stand up, please stand up” ok don’t blame me if u thought the song was a bad idea, but seriously that’s the state of my mind right now. I want to know my mom, I want to spend one full day with her where there is no talk about me or my brother or my father, where she is the only topic of discussion. I want to know what is it that makes her happy, whats her favourite dish, whats her fave movie, which places does she like visiting, what are her dreams, how was she as a kid: was she naughty, did she study as much as she makes us do, did she clean her room as regularly as she does ours. I want to know something in fact lots of things about Kiran Menda the person as a whole and not just my mom. I want to know about her life beyond her 2 sons and beyond her family.
Do u guys think I will be successful in this quest of mine? More importantly will I be as good a son as good a mother she has been? Nah, I think that’s too much to ask. Its said that a mother’s love is the purest thing in the world. no matter how much I love my mom it will always have a bit of my ego, my happiness quotient; whereas her love will always be selfless. In love you desire only the happiness of the loved one and nothing else, going by this definition, mother’s love surely puts any modern day romeo-juliet to shame. Love now for us has become so much selfish, its never about the other person its always about us. I know that selfless love is a very difficult thing to practice, but that’s the only way our moms know love to be, that’s how it comes naturally to them, isn’t that great!!
Around a couple of years back my mom had this really nasty accident which had her bed-ridden for close to 6 months. I remember how it completely shattered me to see her in that state and how helpless I felt in not being able to do anything for her. It also made me realize how dependent I was on her for the smallest of things. Its almost as if she was taken for granted. I felt really close to her then. But then again as I see myself over the past few years I realize how my career, my dreams have somehow put her into the background. I don’t remember when I last prayed for someone other than me. But today as I close my eyes, I really have this strong urge to pray for my mom, to pray for her happiness, and most importantly to pray that I never drift away from her and that I conquer this world for her, I know this may sound filmy but right now this is what I really feel like doing. Also I pray to god that this feeling never dies within me because I know how easy it is to lose sight of this vision as I go back to living my everyday, practical life. Also a small request to everyone who is reading this blog, please go back and thank your mom for everything she has done for you, and as you go pursuing your goals and making your life, do not forget that she is always there with you, feeling happy at each small victory of yours, feeling proud at every small achievement of yours. Go make her happy, show how much she means to you, she really deserves every bit of that and a lot more. And as I write this post its 4-45 am, my mom just woke up and she sees me typing something on the computer. She is really mad at me for being up so late and as expected I get a mini-lecture on sleeping early and waking up early. But somehow her angry words seem so much sweet now, I cannot help smiling and almost shouting out “My mommy greatest!!!”