Random thoughts

As I write this post, let me give you a brief background of the setting lest you start wondering whats wrong with our man Dilip. Its 12-30 in the night, theres been no power for the past hour, theres total darkness outside as I sit in my balcony and look out. Most of the people would have slept by now, I tell myself while I feel as fresh as ever. Theres just the right amount of breeze running through and without TV or internet, I am as desparate for some entertainment as Virender Sehwag is for some kind of form with the bat. There are some soft numbers playing on my laptop. I say perfect setting for writing a new post, and what better topic to write on than my thoughts! Well to be frank I do understand that no one is interested in reading whats going on in the mind of a 22-something, ever so confused, attention seeking, wanna be MBA. But what the heck, since you have already taken the pains to actually visit my blog, you may as well read the entire thing. This blog may actually make you start liking your life all the more once you have had a look at mine!

I will list the various thoughts that are going on in my mind currently:

Thought 1: Is blogging the right thing for me? (you may chip in with suggestions and comments on my writing and please avoid using any expletives unless you have absolutely exhausted all other modes of expressing your frustration)

Thought 2 : Am I cut out for the corporate world? To give you a brief background, I had a presentation to my project guide last week and it turned out to be a disaster. He gave me all kinds of negative feedback possible like my study lacking depth, the scope of the project being too narrow, the slides being too cluttered, my presentation skills being a complete let down etc etc. Just when I thought the worst was past me, I asked him in a slightly concerned tone “Sir, do you think it was really that bad?” to which he said “It was fuck all” and the f-word was used so non-chalantly that it did shock me. This is what I would like to believe was the worst ever feedback that any summer intern would have got in the history of sumer internship. Though I feel like cribbing about my guide and how he never gave me time or any directions to my project, the main point over here is that my confidence has been dented and restoring it would require some major effort. Anyway I take this as a learning experience so that I do not screw up so badly any of my future work.

Thought 3 : I am so in love with Mumbai! I always tell my friends that I totally love South Bombay mainly due to 2 things : the sea and the buildings. The sea well is the sea and anyone who has seen Marine Drive or for that matter Worli Seaface and not fallen in love with them, my sympathies with him. Theres something about the sea which kind of brings out the best in me. And regarding the buildings, I absolutely adore the style of architecture over here. The buildings, even the simplest one, looks so very grand, well hats off to the British, one thing good that they did for sure was to give such great heritage structures to the city. The reason for this nostalgic feeling is that in another week I would have left this city for another year at beautiful Jamshedpur.

Thought 4 : Is that black little thing hovering outside my window a bat? I am scared, well let me get my specs and have a better look!

Thought 5 : It actually is a bat for heavens sake! And it is about to become an uninvited guest in my house any moment now. I better close the windows and rush inside!

Thought 6 : I am missing XLRI so much. I know I am getting a bit senti over here, but to stay away from a place that has become so much a part of your life is, well, mighty difficult. The past one year at XL seems to have gone past in such a hurry and the worst part is that its just a 2 year course which means just one more year at this beautiful place. As they say “in life nothing is permanent!” and as mature individuals we are supposed to grin and bear it, so that we shall do.

Thought 7 : Its 1-20 am now and the heat is making me sweat profusely. Should I be taking a bath at this odd time. But what the hell, I cant even do that as its pitch dark everywhere, the bathroom included…

Thought 8 : I can smell my own sweat and I so hate it. Now I know why the guy next to me in the packed local train was so irritated as if someone just farted an atom bomb. Man, I do really sweat a lot!

Thought 9 : I so hate my boss, for those of you who came late, please refer to thought 2.

Thought 10 : I hate my company, refer to thought 2 again.

Thought 11 : Am I a marketing person or a finance person. Firstly let me admit that this entire categorization thing does not make much sense to me, but one thing that I have realised is that as an mba u gotta decide if ur a mar guy or fin guy. I have not really made a decision on this. Some people think of me as lacking focus, some others take it as a sign of confusion. I for one would like to say in my defence that I believe in keeping options open and I believe in being more of a generalist. As a manger I would like to be good at every aspect of a business. Frankly all this explanation is crap, the truth is well I am confused! Let me explain my dilemma in more clear words. I believe that marketing is more interesting and I would like a marketing job more as compared to maybe a fin job. Although going by conventional thinking, fin is the field for me what with my intelligent (read nerdy) looks and also my excellent grade in the financial management course. Also marketing is supposed to be for the more street smart, fully outgoing types, which I really don’t think would exactly go with my skill set. So the entire conflict is between what I like more versus what I might possibly be better at. Its almost like I have to choose between cricket and football as my career, I enjoy playing cricket more but I suck at playing cricket and I am excellent at football. In reality I suck at both, but hey that was just an example!

Thought 12 : I can write loads of crap and people actually can read it!

Thought 13 : Did I write the worst ever post in the history of blogging or can it get any better er i meant worse? Luckily the power is back and I am thinking of closing this post for now. (you can thank me later for that) Though 13 is an unlucky number, I would not increase the length of this post by including more thoughts. I would like to believe that if you are reading this blog then not many unluckier things could possibly happen to you. And yeah for the betterment of humanity and more importantly for the well being of the nostrils of people who stay in the same house as me, I think its necessary that I do take a bath right away...