The new and improved RAG Version 3.0 (©Mr. C.)

Time and again I start to ponder about things like god, the universe and its grandeur, the human mind and soul, heaven and hell, virtue and sin etc. The topic of this post is really abstract to say the least. It tries to explain some basic yet complex things like life, birth and death, free will.

To begin with let me remind you of whats depicted in the movie Matrix, everyone is bound by a software system and a make believe world, the rules of which are designed by the software developer. Lets assume that there is a hypothetical entity called the Creator (lets not call him god over here as this might then create a negative bias in minds of the atheists or the non-believers). Now this creator; lets call him Mr. C.; designed a software something like a random number generator in MS-excel. Instead of random number generator he designed a random action generator (lets call this as RAG Version 3.0), but this generator was always constrained by some rules like gravity, time and space, energy, Newtons 3 laws etc etc…. now a random number generator run some 1000 times will give thousand 1000 different outputs….similarly the human mind was programmed to the random action generator my Mr. C.

So while you were thinking of whether you should go for the vanilla flavor or the chocolate one, and then after much thought you selected chocolate then patted your back for making a smart choice, Mr C. up there is all smiles as he sees your stupidity of taking credit for something in which you do not deserve any. Along with this software, Mr C gave us one very important weapon which we call now as “Reason” something that helps us justify all our actions which in actuality are totally random. The beauty is that Mr C doesn’t want us to know of this reality, that is why he gave us the power of reasoning. For Mr C. the world must look such a fascinating place wont it, to see the myriad things that can come out of different permutations and combinations of the random action generator, right from Adams action of having the forbidden apple to man’s decision of creating the nuclear weapon….its all something that even he dint imagine when he designed the software and now he wonders at the marvels that it’s created. Theres one more twist to the story….he interlinked all the softwares so my decision or choice today would in someway directly or indirectly affect the entire ecological system…just like a butterfly fluttering its wings in some place in africa can bring about a tornado in texas…marvelous isn’t it????

Reason gave the world many new things, many new facets. Fantastic inventions were made, remote places were discovered…. Also man used reason to create some new rules for the software system, like if you kill or hit someone you will be punished, then definition of what is right and what is wrong, whats just and unjust are all in effect man’s attempts at constraining RAG 3.0… since these are man made they can obviously not be uniform everywhere, so the entire issue of subjectivity comes into picture. Also man made rules are not sacrosanct unlike the actual rules Mr C imposed; in the sense that if you hurt a person, it may or may not reflect on your future state of things, whereas if you punch the wall hard enough, newtons 3^rd law will ensure that this affects you in the immediate future, in this case you end up with an injured fist.

Along with reason, one more tool that Mr C developed which I am sure he also feels proud about is what we term now as “Memory”…a combination of Memory and reason is what influences any actions that we take….But still there is an inherent randomness in our actions. The degree of randomness varies from person to person and from time to time….for a new born child there is no memory of the past and no reason so his actions are what can be called 100% random….is that the reason why babies are seen as images of god???...Interesting, eh???

So what about death??? I would say death is when Mr C. decides that the particular person’s software platform is not working as well as it should have, and so some debugging needs to be done. Or something else that is even more weird to believe. My point is if there was something called as free will which I as a man can exercise, then I would never exercise the option of death, would I? but truth is whether I want to die or not, I will die one day, just like if I jump from the third floor of my building, I know that down and not up is where I will go…. So death is one more rule in this software system…its like Mr C’s way of telling you “ dude enough of your randomness, now I need to shut down your program”….its God’s way of pressing Ctrl+Alt+Del….

This also reinforces my point that “Free will is just a myth”.

Well maybe what I am saying is crap, but the underlying thought is something which none of us can deny. The underlying thought or the essence of everything I said till now is that the universe is so full of things which are beyond human comprehension, so it makes me believe in the existence of a power which is beyond us…you may call it Lord, god, the One, the creator or by any another name…. he is the master of your life, you are a powerless entity in the scheme of things. Sounds scary, doesn’t it?

Another year, another resolution!!!

Well for starters, let me tell you I have more than 1 resolution for the coming year…in fact there are quite a few….common sense says that I should have 1 resolution and adhere to it, but right now I am in a slightly exalted state of mind, so I would rather be elaborate and give out my entire wish list…err….resolution list I meant..

1. Watch movies that I always wanted to but for some reason missed out…target is minimum a movie every 2 days, at least the next 2 months that I am in XL…the movie sever here will surely be a big help in fulfilling this resolution!

2. Exercise for sometime daily….could be anything like a quick jog or a workout…I know this one figures in the list of 3 most popular new year resolutions so no more elaborations on my rationale for this I suppose

3. Read more…I hardly read…feel the need to be well read….need to get into the habit of reading, its now or never…target is a book every 2 weeks or so.

4. Patao a girl….well if you think I am saying this in a lighter vein then let me clarify that no, this resolution is more serious than the 3 listed above or the ones that I will list below…how to manage this is something I have yet to figure out…

5. Learn some new language…right now hot choices are Bengali, Punjabi and French…

6. Think less, talk more…

7. Blog more…

Well 7 is supposed to be a lucky number, so I would end it here…that’s my list…short and sweet…hehehe…let the countdown to 2008 begin….

Blah Blah...

What an interesting title isn’t it?....well ladies and gentlemen firstly nice to see all of you once again after my long hiatus from blogging (is hiatus the right word, man I gotta look up the dictionary). The long gap is for no reason as such, apart from the fact that I did not find anything worth writing all this while, today I suddenly feel like penning down something. Maybe that’s coz im back to my fave place that’s Bombay, maybe its coz I met one of my favorite ppl today. Well as they say aam khaao gutliyan mat gino, so lets come straight to the point. The point is my life seems like a boat without an anchor right now, and by anchor I do not mean support, I am talking about utter lack of direction in my life. its almost as if im just going with the flow. Am at the brink of completing my mba from a reputed b-school which would guarantee I get a decent, if not great job in another 2 months. But im not too kicked about the entire thing; I mean am more or less indifferent to where I land up. Seems I have become too laid back in life, or maybe too easy going, to the level where anything ceases to matter except maybe mundane things like what’s there for lunch today or is the movie server on campus working or not. Then I think again is this really how I am supposed to be. Is this what I have always been….well not really, I feel….I remember having the drive to do something, to get into a good college, to top in my class, to be thorough with my subjects etc etc….well where is the drive now??? Gone for good is it???....I need to get it back, then again I don’t feel the drive to get the drive back…haha…there u see lies my problem, I am not even serious while writing down this stuff, just some thoughts creating chaos in my cerebral cavity and I am blurting it out on you innocent souls who happened to chance upon my blog (good that you did, scroll down to my mother wala blog if u missed that, its awesome, that’s what ppl told me and I like to believe them). Readers are welcome to suggest me ways to become saner if they can, in the meanwhile I think I will go back to my state of mindless inertia…. And ya I will go back to the sitcom I left midway….

The perfect execution!!

So as approaches a new end term examination, approaches a new wave of enthu in our group. For all of you not knowing the benefits of group studies, let me tell you that it is the best thing to have ever happened….believe me ;-)…

Ok now the name of our group: the always enthu group (enthu about what don’t ask me) ….the names of group members: dilip (yours truly), Diggi, Sushant….we also have some other people in our group, but they have been smart enough to study alone…or rather smart enough to study at all!!!

Below are some comments from different group members at different stages of the term:

Term begins:
Sushant: yeh time toh fodna hai exam…first day se padhenge BCMC &%#$@!!
Diggi: haa saale ikdam….
Me: ok if u say so…. (fully aware of the uselessness of such talk…but don’t want to be a spoilsport)

In the middle of the term:
Me: Yaar its not going as planned, we are slackening too much….
Sushant: Load mat le yaar, abhi toh ek hi mahina hua hai, 2months still to go dude…
Diggi: y the heck are we discussing this topic now, do we have some mid term tomorrow????!!! (confusion largely written on his face)

A few days later: (a day before an important mid term examination)
Sushant (the master planner and strategizer): ok guys we have 15 hours left…lets divide the topics amongst us and then each one of us read his part properly….at the end we will have a knowledge transfer….believe me guys this is the best way to study (determination largely written on his face)
Diggi: haa saale ikdam…
Me: ok whatever u say …. (again fully aware of the uselessness…but then whats wrong in trying)

Sushant: ok ill do chapters 1,2,3..diggi tu 4,5,6 kar aur menda tu last ke teen kar de…
Me: y the fuck do I get to do the last 3 topics and how will I get those without knowing the first 6!!!
Diggi: guys are u sure we are covering the entire syllabus..
Sushant: saaale pehle itna toh kar baad mai dekhenge

2 hours before the mid term:
All of us are found sleeping happily when another dear friend Shashank barges into the room and spoils the sweet slumber…and as expected he freaks out seeing all of us dozing…so here goes the later turn of events:
Shashank: Ch**axi exam is in 2 hours and u guys are happily sleeping…saalo kuch padha bhi hai ki nahi…
Diggi: oh fuck…how did I fall asleep man!!
Me: Shit!!!...since when have we been sleeping…I have hardly studied guys…we are screwed… take it from me (can you ppl sense the fear in my talk)
Sushant:………..(our man sushant is still having sweet dreams…he thinks that sleep is the best possible way of destressing and relaxing before an exam so he would rather still sleep…)

Half an hour before the exam:
The saviour comes….the man himself…SHAMIK BAGCHI!!! (FYI hes the other saviour apart frm Shashank)...anyway this guy Bagchi studies for more time than the 3 of us combined….and just half an hour before the exam you tend to realize the importance of having such a guy as your pal…suddenly the feelings of friendship surface…

Me: Bagchi halat kharab hai, kuch padha de yaar…our fate lies in your hands…
Diggi: please yaar….(with the innocence of a 5-year old kid asking for a chocolate)
Sushant:…….(some1 wake him up for heaven’s sake!!!)
Bagchi: …..(wry smile)…..load mat lo yaar…don’t worry guys…il cover the entire syllabus in an hour…
Me: but dude we have only 30 mins…
Bagchi: thik hai yaar we will at least do half…
Me: good, good at least we wont flunk now…..(relief on all our faces and sleep still on sushant’s face)

After this happens the fastest possible knowledge transfer in the history of mankind…we guys go and give the exam…come back discuss the paper….realise that the syllabus included many things which we weren’t even aware of (surprise, surprise)…bottomline is we survive…to see another day…. to see another midterm…

Parting words from our group leader:
Sushant: we will crack the next exam people….and this time NO ONE WILL SLEEP!!!

The good, the bad and the ugly

At times I cannot help but think about our many different definitions in life: definition of whats right, whats wrong, whats good, whats bad. Its kind of amazing that each one of us has a different set of beliefs and ethics and we cling on to our beliefs like dear life. whenever there is an argument, the one thing that is sure about the outcome is that one side has to be right, the other side has to be wrong. Why is it so. I mean why can there be no rights and wrongs in life. and come to think of it who gave us the right to say whats correct and whats not. Some people do charity, some people donate to the poor. They take lot of pride in this and say that they are helping someone else’s cause. No doubts about that but when you think on a deeper level they are in the end working for a selfish cause, which in this case is their mental satisfaction, happiness of others is just a stepping stone over here to reach your own happiness. The reason why I am writing this post is that in the past few days I have been doing something that I wouldn’t term as very good. But guess what, its making me happy. And I am kind of selfish in believing that if its making me happy it cannot possibly be wrong. Maybe all that I am writing is crap, it might be just another effort to make me feel better about myself. But the bigger question over here is that whether it is justified to make oneself happy at any cost. Do I have to always do the right thing or can I sometimes be wrong, can I sometimes be evil, can I sometimes be malicious. After all these are words that we human beings defined and termed them as bad, god never told us whats good and whats bad. I am actually sick of this life which is full of liars and hypocrites, in fact I think there is no one out there who is not a hypocrite, hypocrisy is man’s second nature is what I feel. We are always trying to betray whats going on in our minds, we are always trying to feel good about ourselves, always trying to prove to the others and to ourselves that we are right, morally and ethically. What scares me is that I am no different!!

Random thoughts

As I write this post, let me give you a brief background of the setting lest you start wondering whats wrong with our man Dilip. Its 12-30 in the night, theres been no power for the past hour, theres total darkness outside as I sit in my balcony and look out. Most of the people would have slept by now, I tell myself while I feel as fresh as ever. Theres just the right amount of breeze running through and without TV or internet, I am as desparate for some entertainment as Virender Sehwag is for some kind of form with the bat. There are some soft numbers playing on my laptop. I say perfect setting for writing a new post, and what better topic to write on than my thoughts! Well to be frank I do understand that no one is interested in reading whats going on in the mind of a 22-something, ever so confused, attention seeking, wanna be MBA. But what the heck, since you have already taken the pains to actually visit my blog, you may as well read the entire thing. This blog may actually make you start liking your life all the more once you have had a look at mine!

I will list the various thoughts that are going on in my mind currently:

Thought 1: Is blogging the right thing for me? (you may chip in with suggestions and comments on my writing and please avoid using any expletives unless you have absolutely exhausted all other modes of expressing your frustration)

Thought 2 : Am I cut out for the corporate world? To give you a brief background, I had a presentation to my project guide last week and it turned out to be a disaster. He gave me all kinds of negative feedback possible like my study lacking depth, the scope of the project being too narrow, the slides being too cluttered, my presentation skills being a complete let down etc etc. Just when I thought the worst was past me, I asked him in a slightly concerned tone “Sir, do you think it was really that bad?” to which he said “It was fuck all” and the f-word was used so non-chalantly that it did shock me. This is what I would like to believe was the worst ever feedback that any summer intern would have got in the history of sumer internship. Though I feel like cribbing about my guide and how he never gave me time or any directions to my project, the main point over here is that my confidence has been dented and restoring it would require some major effort. Anyway I take this as a learning experience so that I do not screw up so badly any of my future work.

Thought 3 : I am so in love with Mumbai! I always tell my friends that I totally love South Bombay mainly due to 2 things : the sea and the buildings. The sea well is the sea and anyone who has seen Marine Drive or for that matter Worli Seaface and not fallen in love with them, my sympathies with him. Theres something about the sea which kind of brings out the best in me. And regarding the buildings, I absolutely adore the style of architecture over here. The buildings, even the simplest one, looks so very grand, well hats off to the British, one thing good that they did for sure was to give such great heritage structures to the city. The reason for this nostalgic feeling is that in another week I would have left this city for another year at beautiful Jamshedpur.

Thought 4 : Is that black little thing hovering outside my window a bat? I am scared, well let me get my specs and have a better look!

Thought 5 : It actually is a bat for heavens sake! And it is about to become an uninvited guest in my house any moment now. I better close the windows and rush inside!

Thought 6 : I am missing XLRI so much. I know I am getting a bit senti over here, but to stay away from a place that has become so much a part of your life is, well, mighty difficult. The past one year at XL seems to have gone past in such a hurry and the worst part is that its just a 2 year course which means just one more year at this beautiful place. As they say “in life nothing is permanent!” and as mature individuals we are supposed to grin and bear it, so that we shall do.

Thought 7 : Its 1-20 am now and the heat is making me sweat profusely. Should I be taking a bath at this odd time. But what the hell, I cant even do that as its pitch dark everywhere, the bathroom included…

Thought 8 : I can smell my own sweat and I so hate it. Now I know why the guy next to me in the packed local train was so irritated as if someone just farted an atom bomb. Man, I do really sweat a lot!

Thought 9 : I so hate my boss, for those of you who came late, please refer to thought 2.

Thought 10 : I hate my company, refer to thought 2 again.

Thought 11 : Am I a marketing person or a finance person. Firstly let me admit that this entire categorization thing does not make much sense to me, but one thing that I have realised is that as an mba u gotta decide if ur a mar guy or fin guy. I have not really made a decision on this. Some people think of me as lacking focus, some others take it as a sign of confusion. I for one would like to say in my defence that I believe in keeping options open and I believe in being more of a generalist. As a manger I would like to be good at every aspect of a business. Frankly all this explanation is crap, the truth is well I am confused! Let me explain my dilemma in more clear words. I believe that marketing is more interesting and I would like a marketing job more as compared to maybe a fin job. Although going by conventional thinking, fin is the field for me what with my intelligent (read nerdy) looks and also my excellent grade in the financial management course. Also marketing is supposed to be for the more street smart, fully outgoing types, which I really don’t think would exactly go with my skill set. So the entire conflict is between what I like more versus what I might possibly be better at. Its almost like I have to choose between cricket and football as my career, I enjoy playing cricket more but I suck at playing cricket and I am excellent at football. In reality I suck at both, but hey that was just an example!

Thought 12 : I can write loads of crap and people actually can read it!

Thought 13 : Did I write the worst ever post in the history of blogging or can it get any better er i meant worse? Luckily the power is back and I am thinking of closing this post for now. (you can thank me later for that) Though 13 is an unlucky number, I would not increase the length of this post by including more thoughts. I would like to believe that if you are reading this blog then not many unluckier things could possibly happen to you. And yeah for the betterment of humanity and more importantly for the well being of the nostrils of people who stay in the same house as me, I think its necessary that I do take a bath right away...

Kem Chhoo…Majja maa???...

I love traveling. Or so I felt…till I came to Ahmedabad. Not that I have anything against the place, but there is a reason to my feelings. Basically I was supposed to come here to complete my project. Initially I had to go to some far off places but then my company did not find it economical enough to let me fly on their expenses(!!!), so here I was taking a train to a place where I had never been before. My journey began on Monday night as I was boarding the train from Dadar station. My dad accompanied me to the station and in the half an hour I spent at the station I think he asked me at least a 100 times if I had taken my tickets, my ATM card and many other things which I actually should be carrying for a journey. I reminded him 101 times meanwhile that I would be off for less than a week only and that I was going only to Ahmedabad and not some far off country in Africa.

Anyway the wait for the train looked never ending and I heaved a sigh of relief when it did come finally. I don’t know why but I have got this fascination for trains, I remember as a kid whenever I used to cry my dad used to bring me to the railway station to show the train and I would immediately stop crying.
Trivia No 1: VT station was my all time favorite place as the idea that there is no train which can go beyond it seemed to amaze me for some weird reason. It somehow gave it the feel of being the mysterious end of the world.
Trivia No 2: I always wanted to be an engineer as I felt that an engineer was the one who drives a train…ok don’t be so surprised; kids are supposed to be stupid!

So now back to the trip. After some 10 hours of train journey, I did reach my destination. The train journey was made interesting by some three 40-something guys discussing every possible topic under the sun right from the pollution caused by chemical industry to the ideal age for their daughter’s marriage. Though I didn’t participate in their conversation, it was interesting enough to keep me awake for quite some time. When I reached Ahmedabad, I realized 2 things, first that the place was damn damn hot and secondly the people spoke Gujarati most of the time. It was expected but still I did think that some people would converse in Hindi. The fact that the auto walas did understand my Hindi was a consolation!

After checking in my hotel I took a quick bath and a small nap and then left for my office. Then began my real struggle, I wanted to make the most of my stay over there. But unfortunately work was moving at snail’s pace, in fact there was hardly any work happening. Two full days went by without me meeting any client. I tried calling up some industry people to fix up some meetings but was mostly met with a cold response from them, when I tried to pitch our product the standard response was “su cchhe, manne interest nathii” after which the other person would invariably hang up without hearing a word. So the entire thing started to frustrate me a lot and I realized that nothing great seems to be coming out of this trip. A friend told me that since I am already here rather than cribbing I could actually have a gala time, totally enjoy my time over here. This somehow seemed to make sense, so that’s what I did for the next 3 days. So though I wouldn’t say that I had the most awesome time, but things turned out slightly better. I roamed alone in the city, explored many new places, checked out the gujju girls, also tried out some Gujarati delicacies.

The one thing that I realized from my stay in Ahmedabad was that eating out is the national pastime out here. There would be 20 eating joints in a radius of 10 meters and all of them would be doing great business with customers flocking all the time. People really love eating over here, that possibly explained why it was so difficult to find a thin Gujarati. If the film “Roti, Kapda aur Makan” would have been made in Gujarat I am so sure it would have been called “Roti, Thepla aur Chivda”

Also few days back I had been to the XLRI alumni meet in Mumbai. It was great meeting almost half my batch again. It was just like one of those campus wet nights though this time the place and setting was vastly different. The food was great, the desserts were awesome and plus there was a DJ playing really foot tapping numbers. After almost a month of corporate life, dancing with friends and making so much noise with useless talk was a welcome change.

Another good thing to happen to me in past few days is that I did get my stipend which is actually my life’s first salary. Now I have always thought that it would be so great when I start earning, but I don’t know why there is no real happiness or delight I feel when I collect the pay cheque, I am totally confused as to the reason for this response of mine. Lots of things have been going on in mind over past few days, one of them being what I would like to do in the future. And I know everyone thinks of their future but it’s been playing on my mind now more than ever. I hope I do get some clarity on these questions by the completion of my MBA at least. As they say idle mind is devil’s workshop, going by the amount of idle time I have had in the previous month during my summer internship, I am sure the devils have settled down well in my mind and must have possibly developed a liking to it as well!


P.S: Theres this girl in my office whom I find terribly cute. I don’t know what I like about her, I mean she is not one of those awesome beauties, but I find her really irresistible. I have never spoken to her; I don’t even know her name. As she is not in my section, I do not know how to begin a conversation. Now I have got just a week left in my internship, just hope cupid would play some trick in this short span!